Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
