FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
