i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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