If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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