i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
