Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
