I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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