Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
