Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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