Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
