You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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