that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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