Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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