you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
