My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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