Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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