Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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