so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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