good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
