So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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