Only a mothe r could love this liver
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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