Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
