can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
