I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Shame - the story of my life.
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