The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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