i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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