I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
