I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
