my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize