It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
