she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize