I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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