I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
