If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
