You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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