I can feel you judging me through the phone.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
