he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
