Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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