I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
