Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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