You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
