If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
