dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
