She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
