I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize