I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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