Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
