Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
