Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
