Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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