i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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