she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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