Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
