So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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