You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
