Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
