I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
