Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize