I wish I could teleport
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
