you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
