you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
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