You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
