O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
