just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize