Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
