You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
