i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
