you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
