Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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