so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
