so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
