I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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