Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
