my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
