Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
