Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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