I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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