I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
