Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
