god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
