I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
