erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Randomize