Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
